The Bright Side Of The Dark Side

I moved to New York City in 2011.  Like many transplants, I wanted a fresh start.  The city I came from had too many ghosts around every corner, full of painful memories and old selves that I no longer identified with.  New York was just what I was looking for- no one knew me, had any expectations of me, or even made eye contact.  While this was liberating in many ways, it turned out to be a little more than I bargained for.  

While always being introverted and enjoying my alone time; there’s something about being in a city teeming with energy and movement and madness and millions of people that creates a feeling of loneliness like no other.  

After several years of being on my own internal private island on a much larger island; I decided to take a risk and try meeting new people- not on a surface level; but on a meaningful level.  I found my tribe through connecting with people that also had their own ghosts and shadows; and weren’t afraid to talk about them.  It was through that shared vulnerability that I learned that it was not only okay to open up and show others my true self, but that my true self could be celebrated, even the parts that I had previously rejected.  Not only that; I could find joy in the celebrations of others unique qualities, quirks, and personalities, and empathy for their struggles.  The connection and freedom that comes with with authenticity and vulnerability is invaluable. 

Opening up and finding community through vulnerability changed my perspective in a radical way.  Instead of being lost in my own story and internal narrative, I now make a point to listen to the noise and music and conversation around me.  I’ll notice strangers on the subway, on the street, in the bodega, and begin to wonder- what has that person experienced? What pain are they carrying? What brings them joy? What makes them laugh until their stomachs hurt?  In this curiosity, I can feel warmth and compassion towards that stranger. Sometimes that person senses it and smiles or gives me a nod.  New Yorkers are really nice people when you give them a chance to be.  Many of us came here for a second chance.  I know I did.