Finding Your Inner Voice

The Journey - Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began,
Though the voices around you
Kept shouting
Their bad advice,
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations.
Though their melancholy
Was terrible.
It was already late
Enough, and a wild night,
And the road full of fallen
Branches and stones.
But little by little,
As you left their voices behind,
The stars began to burn
Through the sheets of clouds,
And there was a new voice,
Which you slowly recognized as your own,
That kept you company
As you strode deeper and deeper
Into the world,
Determined to do
The only thing you could do,
Determined to save
The only life you could save.

This poem still gives me chills every time I read it! I remember I was on retreat when I heard that Mary Oliver had died. Jack Kornfield had been quoting some of her poems throughout the retreat and then announced of her passing one day. I didn’t know who Mary Oliver was at the time, but the poems of hers that I heard on this retreat touched me very deeply. I have continued to be deeply moved by her work ever since.

For me, this poem beautifully depicts the transformational process of finding your inner voice. It starts off with such a strong conviction, “One day you finally knew”. As if we have been waiting for this moment to arrive. Was this inner voice always here? Have we been conditioned to ignore it and stuff it down? What does that moment feel like, when we finally listen to our inner voice? We may come to realize that we have been denying our own needs for so long, needs we never even knew we had, which can be accompanied by a sense of grief or sadness.

The poem goes on to bring awareness to the obstacles we come across when we start listening to our inner voice. We may find that it does not align with what we have been conditioned to value by our families and society. There may even be a sense of rebelliousness in listening to our inner voice or maybe a feeling of selfishness. Do we feel like we are hurting or betraying others when our voices do not align? It may feel uncomfortable and uncertain when we begin to trust ourselves in this way. We are taking a risk because it is such a new way of existing.

What does it look like to “leave their voices behind?” We can come to the understanding that we actually have a choice. These other voices do not need to be forcefully pushed away or denied, but we also do not need to believe them or become identified with them. The person in this poem had a certain conviction and confidence “But you didn’t stop. You Knew what you had to do” - it takes COURAGE to trust yourself and leave the voices of others behind. We learn to identify and let go of judgements, judgements from others that we have come to internalize. Breaking free from old patterns is not easy, but there is an inner guide, some kind of internal wisdom that we slowly come to know and trust more deeply as time goes on.

There is a rebirth taking place. Rebirths can feel dark, scary and confusing, but they eventually lead to feelings of relief, spaciousness, and a lightness we may have never known. There is a sense of clarity, the imagery of the stars burning through the sheets of clouds: what was once barely visible is now so clear and bright. Maybe this path isn’t as well paved as the one we’re used to following, but it’s BEAUTIFUL and it’s REAL. This path allows us to go deeper and deeper into the world as our true selves. We know that we no longer have to hide from it.